I remember when flying on a plane was an exciting and enjoyable event. Everyone got really dressed up and it was special. The women wore hats and the men wore suits. There were no security checks where you had to remove your shoes, coats and wristwatch, there were meals served to everyone and the flight attendants were all female, pretty and called stewardesses. They passed out decks of cards, airplane pins and models, and the children could go visit the pilot in the cockpit before takeoff. It was a luxury.
I hate to fly. It has become a miserable experience. The airlines can no longer discriminate so the 'stewardess' on the flight I am sitting on as I type this is bald and grossly overweight. He is twice as wide as the cart he is pushing and he apparently thinks that if he keeps trying to be funny that I will forget that he smashed my right arm with his stomach when walking by. Yuck!
Looking around I see a variety of attire. Since the plane left at 6:10 am some people are still wearing their pajamas - oops sorry those are now known as lounging pants. Double yuck!
I love to people watch and wonder why each person is traveling. I found out that the woman sitting to my left is on her way to a convention in Boston. During the traditional niceties while taking our seats I asked her what type of convention, and she answered, 'contraceptive'. I feigned sleep.
Business travelers, military and students are fairly easy to recognize. Sometimes I imagine Grandparents traveling to see their new family member, or Snowbirds flying home for the summer. Regardless of the 'why' people just don't pay ridiculous money for this miserable experience without a good reason.
I travel by plane a lot. My family lives on the opposite coast of the country and I typically travel for business at least once a quarter. I also love to travel for pleasure which often involves a flight. Being a frequent flyer, I have learned the following truths which inevitably contribute to the misery of the flight experience:
1) If the flight attendant is walking down the aisle with a seatbelt extender, it is for the person who is going to occupy the seat next to me.
2) 'Food for Purchase' means a selection of extremely small overpriced snacks with high sodium content.
3) Changing your seat to accommodate others who want to sit together generally results in a less than optimal seating arrangement.
4) Suitcases weigh a lot.
5) Handles break, wheels fall off, and shampoo explodes.
6) When they say, 'Use caution when opening up the overhead bins', they mean it.
7) No one else on the plane knows how to wipe off the toilet seat.
8) The person sitting directly in front of me has eaten beans in the last 24 hours.
9) The plane is most often either too cold or too hot and rarely comfortable.
10) I am not getting fatter, it is the seats and the legroom that are shrinking.
Here are my travel tips and I hope they help to ease the misery of flying:
Dump your cheap luggage, it's cheap!
Pack your own food - it tastes better, is cheaper and better for you
Go to the bathroom on land and don't drink beer
Wear layers and bring a light blanket
Put everything you can in plastic
Don't book seats without checking seat guru online, some seats just suck....
Indeed DO open the overhead bin with caution
These tips and others that I would love to hear from you should help to make your flight as painless as possible.
One last tip: Don't forget to change out of your Pajamas!
Did I say that?
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